The Greek RSL

Question: What do you get when you cross very kitsch 1970s decor, pub-style food, a bouzouki, and 100 Greeks all with screaming children in one room? Answer: The Cyprus Community Club.

Located at 58 Stanmore Road, Stanmore, I am sure there have been more kilo's of taromasalata consumed here then you and I have had hot dinners. It's an interesting kind of place, somewhat bustling, and as the night wears on, increasingly frenetic. When the band starts and the music gets full swing, the Greek men switch from shaking gold-jewelery clad hands, to patting hirsuit backs and then man hugs, the waiters ditch their benzodiazepine and quickstep between tables, and the children pack the dance-floor as if channeling a Wiggles concert...it's that kind of vibe. Also it wouldn't be fair of me if I didn't give an honourable mention to the Greek Rod Stewart look-alike with the football jersey, and GHD-straightened fringe. Our eyes locked across the crowded room more times than Ireland has won the Eurovision Song Contest, namely due to the fact NOS repeatedly blared "..look there's your boyfriend.." and "hey don't look now..." (sucker; gets me every time).

The food is pub-style with a Greek twist. Or is that Greek-style with a pub twist? Dining with NOS, The Grifter and Pa Kettle for Father's Day, we opted for a set menu, which at $27.00 a head, is bargain basement dining. You get your hellenic staples of tzatziki, taramosalata, pan-fried haloumi, pickled octopus, and Greek salad. They also serve a combined platter of hot and cold. Think hot chips, pork chops, lamb chump chops, beef souvlaki and crumbed fried calamari. On the cold front, think blue swimmer crab, oysters, mussels, and king prawns. To keep the kitsch, the crabs claws are pierced through orange halves, slices of which, are on the half-twist and used for decorative purposes throughout. The only disappointment was the missing glace cherries.

In absolute squid loving fashion, it is fair to say NOS and the gang also agreed the calamari was the best part of the platter. It was fresh, not frozen (the same cannot be said for the prawns or crab) and it was really tender.

Dessert was ordered, and in ancient Greco style we were told we would have to go "upstairs" to the coffee lounge if we wanted to end the meal on a sweet note. On the way out, The Grifter true to nature, discovered the poker machines and proceeded to clean out the Greek RSL with two $1 coins borrowed from NOS. The winning bells rang and the bartender posing as a gaming attendant ushered her away to the back room to distribute the loot.

By this stage, the coffee lounge was shut, and we would never know whether loukoumades featured on the dessert menu. All in all, I can't say I would come back here again, not least until the Greek RSL has recovered from being fleeced by The Grifter, and I manage to erase Greek Rod Stewart's teased and primped within an inch of it's short-term life bouffant, from my long-term memory. Both high improbabilities.

                       RATING OUT OF 10: PRICE: 8/10 SERVING SIZE: 6/10

                                      CRUNCH FACTOR: 3/10 SPICE: N/A