If anyone from Montreal should actually chance to read these posts, know that I am geographically dyslexic. So if I say a restaurant or place of interest exists within a certain geographic location, understand that in my mind that is a proposition of fact. Is anything in Little Italy or North of Boulevard St Laurent in the Plateau? Strictly speaking, probably not, but I never said reading maps was a strong suit of mine.
There is nowhere else to start but the smoked meat capital of the North East, Schwartz's Charcuterie Hebraique. Located on Boulevard Saint-Laurent, no matter the season, no matter the time, the place draws a crowd.
Previously owned by the Schwartz family since 1928, it was sold in 2012 and is now in the hands of a consort which includes French-Canadian crooner Celine Dion. There were concerns that Dion would begin franchising, in effect creating substandard clones of the one-of-a-kind restaurant. That fear has only been partially realised since the company started stocking supermarket shelves with mass manufactured Schwartz brand smoked meat products.
Schwartz's Deli is a Montreal institution and may I be so bold to say to think of
not visiting is kind of like going to Rome and by-passing the Sistine Chapel. Okay, okay, dining at Schwartz's will not elicit epiphanic moments, granted, but you
will come close to identifying with the "Hungry Bear" scene in the movie Bridesmaids.
Schwartz's smoked meat is cured with salt, sugar, peppercorns and aromatic spices and you can order your meat lean (no fat) medium, old-fashioned or fat. I prefer medium, where you have a mix of lean and fat meats, first to add another layer of texture to the meat, and second fat is flavour. Personally, I can do without the peppers. But absolutely and most definitely, dill pickles and mustard
are not optional.
There is some kind of star-alignment that takes place when you invite slices of smoked meat onto light rye and add some mustard and the crunch of dill pickle. It leaves you with a calming sense that all is really right in the world, even if only for a brief bite.
Fast food joints abound in the Plateau, so if you are looking for a quick fix of barbequed chicken or even poutine you've come to the right spot.
La Banquise on Rue Rachel is a 24-hour fast food restaurant which serves twenty-five different kinds of poutine. Now to the uninitiated, poutine has been routinely described as a "heart attack in a box", containing french fries dripping in gravy and smothered in fresh cheese curds. There are of course variations on the theme, the addition of chicken, vegetables or beef, or if you are Chuck Hughes of Garde Manager fame - even lobster.
I have tried a few variations on poutine now and probably prefer the traditional version of french fries and gravy with curds. There are many arguments on where the best poutine is to be found, and I am sure every Montrealer will have their own Number 1. I have heard La Belle Province does a good version, but my pick is Chez Ashton in Quebec City, which unfortunately will not open up a store in Montreal because they cannot assure the "freshness of the product because of the transportation involved in shipping the local produce". Yeh, I think international foreign trade is a farce too.
The best barbeque chicken in town is also a hot debate amongst Montrealers. Cote-St-Luc Bar-B-Q is a front runner for no-nonsense crispy skinned barbequed chook and gravy you could drink by the cup load. But if you are after spicy Portugese style chicken cooked over charcoal,
and a) don't mind spending half your lunch break waiting in line or b) the smell of wafting barbeque smoke lingering in your clothes and hair then Rotisserie Romados on Rue Rachel is a good choice.
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| Ramados lunch option |
If fast food ain't for you and you are after a sit-down option where the food is unpretentious, authentic, and serving sizes are just like Yiayia would give you, then try
Ouzeri at 4690 Rue Saint-Denis. The grilled octopus with lemon juice, capers and olive oil is a must try, but they also do a fabulous boozy version of pan-fried saganaki cheese with flambeed ouzo, but be sure to douse the flames out before you dive in, and don't be greedy and attempt to dip your bread into the pan juices at the end, lest you want your taste-buds to feel like the dance of the flaming assholes.
Close to Ouzeri and still in the Plateau is African/Ethiopian restaurant
Le Nil Bleu or The Blue Nile. Silent Diner and I ate there on my most recent trip to Montreal and were secretly pleased at our ability to find new and exotically authentic eateries...that was until an African taxi-driver told Silent Diner that Africans don't actually eat there.
Perhaps this is because the place is upmarket, and maybe lacking in the rustic qualities that African food is founded on. Admittedly the place was a little odd, replete with a cascading water feature en route to the bathroom (the sound of running water an encouragement nonetheless) baby grand piano in the middle of the dining room (no doubt reserved for rowdy renditions of Paffendorf''s "Welcome to Africa") and various decorative pieces such as a formidable looking African Tribeswoman and native animals plucked straight from a game park.
Decor aside, I found the food to be very flavorful with a great use of spice, and the discovery of the African spongy flat-bread called "injera",
which was served with all our dishes was a true food epiphany. Made from
teff flour, the bread forms an integral part of the meal, being both
the plate food is served on, and with pieces being broken off and used
to scoop the meal up becomes your eating utensil too. The saying goes, once the
tablecloth is gone the meal is over. As you can see, spoons are also "available" should your skill at eating with injera need further refinement.
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| Try the tasting menu, at $26.99 per person it is good value and allows you to try a bit of everything |
A little further East from Le Nil Bleu on Avenue Duluth lies a restaurant that may, when reading the next few paragraphs, require a dose of cholesterol and blood pressure medication. Disclaimer: We take no responsibility that the following information may cause extreme hypertension and instant hardening of your arteries.
Owned by Martin Pickard
Au Pied De Cochon, the decadent French inspired restaurant with a nose-to-tail philosophy has to be on the list of any foodie's mecca. To dine at PDC is to have a once in a life-time experience that will transcend beyond having paid "Le Facture" and most likely remain with you at midnight when you are lying in bed cursing your heart burn and nursing your fatty liver.
If you want to get a snapshot of the craziness that is PDC then leaf through the restaurant's self-titled cookbook, the homage paid in picture form to squirrel sushi (p344) and hare with orange and maple syrup (p352) is truly a sight to beholden.
I had a game plan when I dined at PDC. I was starting light, with a salad. I chose the bacon, endive and goats cheese on warm bread. The bacon fat formed the dressing. At that precise moment the bacon fat started to congeal on the plate, I knew I was out to sea without a life jacket.
Silent Diner and I decided to share PDC's signature Foie Gras Poutine.There are not enough synonyms for the shameless excess of french fries, cheese curds, cream and foie gras that meets you on the plate, except maybe the name Jordan Belfort (AKA The Wolf of Wall Street). The dish was calorific-ally moreish, although being in such a saturated-fat induced haze I honestly can't remember if we finished the plate. My instinct tells me it was licked clean, generally because I have a psychological disorder instilled in me by my father, thank you very much, that one does
not waste food, and one
always eats what's on one's plate.
But I was getting seriously full. And too late as we had already ordered the rustic lentil, saucisson, foie gras and lardo casserole for two. Initially, I misheard the waitress say the "special of the day" was $17.00. I figured, well how big can it be, for $17.00 right? A couple of mouthfuls a piece? Closer inspection of "Le Facture" revealed I had a hearing problem which was precisely $53.00 short. The dish was huge and at this stage after bacon lardon entree and shared foie gras poutine I was trying hard not to channel Monty Python's Mr Creosote meeting his fate with a wafer-thin mint.
Needless to say and much to my psychological self-flagellation, a "sac de chien" (doggy bag) was requested, and unsurprisingly neither Silent Diner nor I had the desire or the stomach for the signature sugar tart dessert. After a series of heart palpitations during the night, I recovered the left-overs from the fridge the following day to discover the residue fat from the dish had somehow managed to escape the plastic container and completely saturate the brown paper bag so that it became almost iridescent. I made the sign of the Cross and said a quick prayer my arteries had narrowly escaped the worst of it.
If you stay in Montreal long enough to recover from the heady excesses of Au Pied De Cochon and want to try a great pizza joint head North up Boulevard St Laurent to
Pizzeria Magpie, a funky restaurant with small bar where you can order a drink and wile away some time waiting for a table. I haven't tried anything else on the menu bar pizza and a menu staple kale salad, but both have kept me coming back time again.
The menu is basic, with around 10 pizzas to choose (usually one special of the day and the staples). The meatball pizza with three cheese and mushrooms should be your number one pick, but if you prefer try the fennel salami pizza with red onion and red pepper. If, you are so lucky to have the smoked meat pizza on as a special of the day do order it. Smoked meat, pickles and mustard. Sounds like a food experiment gone bad right? Wrong! The rich paper thin sliced smoked meat offsets beautifully against the crunchy tart pickle and the creaminess of the wholegrain mustard all nestled perfectly on a crispy thin wood-fired pizza base. There is nothing else this pizza needs, but the restaurant offers chilli oil at the table. The chilli oil is so good, I am willing to risk ass burn as I unabashedly and shamelessly drown my pizza in it every time.
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| Smoked meat pizza |
Exploits aside, my favourite dish at Pizzeria Magpie has to be the kale salad. It is quite simply divine, and it has been my benchmark for experimenting, replicating, and finally perfecting a similar kale salad at home. Tossed with kale, toasted pecans, fresh ricotta and apple, the crowning glory is a gloriously runny poached egg which sits atop with pride.
Final pit stop on this whirlwind Plateau tour is
Baldwin Barmacie. Situated at 115 Avenue Laurier Ouest, it is technically in Mile End, but I think my initial disclaimer and title of this post explains the anomaly. The place is groovy with mood lighting and hip clientele, but it also has a good cocktail list, bar snacks and a happy hour. They even have a resident DJ who plays songs I've never heard by artists I don't know. It's that kind of on-trend place. Plus they have these amazing leather backed chairs which are half-cut out wine barrels. Worth a visit for that reason alone.
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| Don't you just wanna look hip and cool in these chairs |
